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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

O Boy...

It happened today… listening to some music.  Songs I’ve heard a hundred times, or so I thought.  I had never really listened to the words I guess.  Today they hit me hard; they opened my eyes and ears to so much.  Seeing so many things that are and have been in front of me for so long. Just never saw or heard them. 

Made me think.  What am I doing on my side of this relationship, I ask so much of you, probably too much.  Still learning, accepting, searching for you.  Gaining advice from you little by little, picking up certain points from others, they’re teaching me about you, even if they don’t know.  Im trying to take it all in, but I wont lie, im overwhelmed and very confused at this point.  I’m trying to find my way, searching, but finding nothing right now, I think I may need to open my eyes though, I think its all right in front of me, I just am not seeing it.  I should be comfortable with you, I should not doubt you, and I don’t, but deep down there is that little bit of doubt and that scares me.

I need to just open my heart or figure this all out and accept what I can’t answer.  This is all so overwhelming, I need to figure it out or it will drive me deep into the ground, I can’t handle that low again.  I need to just trust you, I need to let you show me what to do next, where to go… at least a hint.  I just need to get an understanding of all of this, or at least try, but I also need to accept that I probably cant and won’t ever fully understand it all, nor am I supposed to. 

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