Well... I’m here, 18 hours away from everything and everyone I know. I feel like I was already on quicksand in that place of familiarity but now I am definitely on quicksand. I am stepping out, onto unknown ground… could be solid or could be slippery, heck, I could even fall straight through. I am hoping that this is right, that this is the right time and thing to do, but I honestly don’t know. I am here now, I am going to go with it and as was pointed out to me smack dab in the middle of my 18 hour drive,
No matter how this turns out, it’ll be good. Maybe this is just an experience I am meant to have, regardless of the outcome.
I have to keep reminding myself of this or more so convincing myself of this. I just keep thinking about the stepping out even when you see no staircase or the lyric of only seeing once you move, "I wish I could see just three steps in front of me; But the lamp unto my feet, it only moves when I take a step..." I am then reminded of Hebrews 11:1, “faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”.
I certainly am going into this journey fairly blind, I have no idea what I have gotten myself into. I am trying to trust that no matter what happens with this, I stay or I end up back home or somewhere else even, that I will be okay and that it is just another chapter. It all stems back to my trust or lack there of right now… one thing that I am working very hard on. I am constantly trying to remember, and am also being reminded, that in every step I take, You are right here with me that I will never step out on my own; which if I let that sink in and start to truly believe it deep down, in my heart and soul, is a very comforting thought.
One thing a friend said to me has resonated with me, she told me that “worry ends when faith begins”… well I am searching for that faith and trying to leave the worry behind.