Music = survival

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

Saturday, December 26, 2009


time of peace
...for most

i sleep, i dream
i wake terrified
screaming,tears, horror
why must i see this
i hate dreams
a peaceful idea torn to shreds

why see it if i cant stop it
speak up?
remain silent?
either way, i lose

tortured by my own thoughts, feelings, images
try to stop them...
no point
rather not see it
just stop sleeping

peace no more...

Monday, December 21, 2009


wings...yup you've got 'em suprise
dont be startled that i know,
i wont say anything understatement
no words to describe them

take me away
fly me high
far from here
away from it all
just for a while
...a moment

show me what you see
a whole new view
an outlook, completely different
show me your world
just a glimpse

maybe if you did
i could understand
i could help better
just maybe
ill always try
maybe one day ill succeed

fly me high
so i can see
the world from your view...

Thursday, December 10, 2009

4 a.m.

not sure where this ones gonna end up, so hold on tight...

ponderin life at 4am, fantastic.
whats the purpose
is it worth it
am i doin this 'right'
doing as much as i can for people
helping more than hurting...i hope so, but somedays i wonder...
why am i here
will i ever know, i cant fufill it if i dont know.
i can see others purposes, where they're headed
but i cant see mine
im not askin for shit to be easy, just a little help as to what way to go

life, you always seem to shit on me, but more so my friends, i just dont understand the need for all their pain, why must they hurt,
why wont He let me help them,
why wont He let me take their pain
more questions ill never have answers for, guess im not supposed to...

im thinking about stuff ive never thought about,
stuff i shouldnt be questioning & doubting...
thoughts that are scareing me.
getting angry
feeling more alone & disconnected than ever
trying to figure out why, trying to remind myself of things
walked into your house the other day & hadnt felt so out of place in my life...
im at a loss as to how to fix all this
im afraid

thinking of all ive done over the years, all the mistakes, all the stuff ive fucked up
trying to forgive myself for things, knowing i cant be forgivin until i forgive myself...just cant seem too
the time i need you the most, i cant seem to connect,
feel like im losing you, its terrifying me
i need to get this figured out soon

how can one feel so alone surrounded by so many
so alone, so afraid, so disconnected
i wanna feel whole again, somethings missing, something im longing for again
i need you, i didnt turn my back on you,just got lost,
i dont want that, i dont need that
i want you with me, in my heart
i cant seem to get you back though
im trying,

im ready to be ok again, im tired of just lying, i want it to be true
im tired of hurting
im tired of the layers of masks, theyre becoming to heavy, im losing 'me' but more importantly, im losing you, that cant happen

im tired, drained, physicallly, emotionally, mentally... just dead
literally feel dead, im just goin through the motions at this point

i cant even keep up with all thats goin on in my head
thoughts are movin to quick to get out

Friday, December 4, 2009

I'm holding on
But the rope is slipping
I'm still holding on
Fighting for a grip

I'm falling
This rope,
My only connection
I feel like letting go

I'm tired
Tired of fighting
Drained in every way
Mentally, physically, & emotionally

Still i fight
Don't want to give up
But it crosses my mind

Would it be better
All over, easier on everyone

If i'm going to fall
Might as well fall now
Stop the suffering
Make it end now
...not later

Still holding on for now
Fighting for a grip
Slowly fading...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Don’t cry because I’m gone
Smile because I’m finally happy

Don’t mourn when I’m gone
Smile because I’m not suffering

Don’t be sad we’re apart
Smile because we were once together

Don’t cry because it’s over
Smile because it happened

Cry if you must, but know that I will be ok
Dry your tears fast for I want you to have no pain

Just remember, I love you no matter what…