Music = survival

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

Thursday, December 10, 2009

4 a.m.

not sure where this ones gonna end up, so hold on tight...

ponderin life at 4am, fantastic.
whats the purpose
is it worth it
am i doin this 'right'
doing as much as i can for people
helping more than hurting...i hope so, but somedays i wonder...
why am i here
will i ever know, i cant fufill it if i dont know.
i can see others purposes, where they're headed
but i cant see mine
im not askin for shit to be easy, just a little help as to what way to go

life, you always seem to shit on me, but more so my friends, i just dont understand the need for all their pain, why must they hurt,
why wont He let me help them,
why wont He let me take their pain
more questions ill never have answers for, guess im not supposed to...

im thinking about stuff ive never thought about,
stuff i shouldnt be questioning & doubting...
thoughts that are scareing me.
getting angry
feeling more alone & disconnected than ever
trying to figure out why, trying to remind myself of things
walked into your house the other day & hadnt felt so out of place in my life...
im at a loss as to how to fix all this
im afraid

thinking of all ive done over the years, all the mistakes, all the stuff ive fucked up
trying to forgive myself for things, knowing i cant be forgivin until i forgive myself...just cant seem too
the time i need you the most, i cant seem to connect,
feel like im losing you, its terrifying me
i need to get this figured out soon

how can one feel so alone surrounded by so many
so alone, so afraid, so disconnected
i wanna feel whole again, somethings missing, something im longing for again
i need you, i didnt turn my back on you,just got lost,
i dont want that, i dont need that
i want you with me, in my heart
i cant seem to get you back though
im trying,

im ready to be ok again, im tired of just lying, i want it to be true
im tired of hurting
im tired of the layers of masks, theyre becoming to heavy, im losing 'me' but more importantly, im losing you, that cant happen

im tired, drained, physicallly, emotionally, mentally... just dead
literally feel dead, im just goin through the motions at this point

i cant even keep up with all thats goin on in my head
thoughts are movin to quick to get out

No comments:

Post a Comment