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Friday, July 23, 2010

you just don't get it

no one understands. i want to believe someone does, but i just dont. no one gets it, i dont even myself. i wish i could explain, i wish i felt like someone remotely got it, then i could talk to them but they just dont. this feeling, i cant explain it even if i could i dont really feel like you'd understand. never have i felt like this, this pain... longing... draining... hurt... lost... this alone. what's changed, i dont really know. i felt like i was doing better, or trying too. but as of late, its gettin worse than it ever has been. it drains me to just think about, & actually produces physical pain. i went to a concert last night, a concert that could potentially change my life. it was the first time i just let go for a moment, but at the same time there were tears begging to fall throughout the whole set... tears that are still wanting to fall at this moment, almost 24hrs later. i dont know what happened, if things just hit close to home or i just had realizations or what, but i do know that i realized that feeling like this for much longer is not an option. there was one point last night where one song, one moment, a mere 4ish minutes that im still thinking about & cant get off my heart... at that point something clicked.

there is so much weight on my heart right now, physical pain that i cant fix... it needs to be relieved.

no one understands the way i feel, no one gets it... it's okay i guess. i just dont want to be forgotten, left... hung out to dry. please dont give up on me. help me. give me someone to talk too, just listen...

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