Who You’d Be Today

I often wonder who you’d be today

I wonder who I’d be if you were still here

I wonder how much I’d be different

I wonder if you’d be proud of me

I wonder what you’d say to me, my life, and my mistakes

I try not to be angry

But, I am

You got to see just over fifteen years of my life…

A long time? ...No, not to me

You never got to see me drive, play, graduate, or meet my friends…

You’ll never see me get married

I’ll never hear your voice again

Feel your warm hands

Or hear that familiar ‘sissy’ on the other end of the line

I’d give anything to hear you, hug you, or smell you again

For you too just hold me once again, one last time and for you to just tell me it’s all gonna be okay.

I’m happy you’re not hurting anymore

No more pain or frustration

But

I need you here, with me… please.

I think about you all the time

Everyday, all day…

It’s the little things that draw the tears

The subtle reminders of you

And knowing you’re not here.

My memories of you are fading

I’m so scared they’ll all be gone one day

I can’t let that happen, I don’t want to forget you

Ironically, the one memory of you that hasn’t faded at all, is the one I hate the most

The one I want so desperately to forget…

The one I relive everyday

Why can’t the good ones stay

Why it is the bad ones that are left to torture me

Why? ...Another question I’m left with

And another answer I'll never find or understand.

I’ll try to hold on to my memories,

And not forget you

Rest assured, I’ll never let a day go by without thoughts of you…

I wonder what you’d think of me,

My questions, confusion, and fears…

I wonder who you’d be today

More often, I wonder who I’d be.

I love you, forever and eternal