“being lost is so close to being found…”

how long will it take for me to start seeing my scars as a sign that i might make it instead of a sign that i almost didnt… how long will it take for me to actually FEEL like im making progress, not just hear it… how long until i actually know that im loved by God & others instead of just being told… when will it hit me that i will be okay, even after i die instead of just fighting the battle of not even wanting to live…